It’s kind of tragic how homophobia affects insecure men.
Like sometimes they want to experiment with a bit of anal and instead of just buying a sex toy and some lube like a normal person, they instead shove random objects up their ass that inevitably get stuck and then they try to get them out by themselves which makes things worse and then they lie to doctors about it and like this all leads to all kinds of extra complications like internal damage, risk of infections, bleeding, the fall of Yugoslavia, etc.
Come on guys, just buy a dildo. It’s way safer and it leads to way fewer problems.
Debate about the evolutionary history of the common leprechaun (Sutor hibernicus) enters its second century, scholars split on the lines of leprechauns as dwarves (family Montihominidae) or leprechauns as pixies (family Puerihortidae). Genetic analysis reveals that leprechauns are descendants of the Irish hare (Lepus timidus). The chamber of magical phylogenetics explodes in rage.
Members of the chamber of magical phylogenetics are forbidden to talk about dragons and wyverns. If members begin talking about dragons and wyverns, the doors are to be sealed shut to quarantine the chamber until the members come to their senses or kill one another during the debate.
of COURSE there’s been an emaciated wild wolf spotted twice today at our campground. Of course.
The park ranger came around to tell us about this and stuck around to hang out for a while, because we were easily the most chaotic and least troublesome campsite, and she went “I hope you guys aren’t offended by this but you seem like the cast of a horror movie,” and I gotta say…we’ve got that energy. Our main camping group consisted of:
a zookeeper
a librarian
a solo traveler/Chinese voice actor
an IT specialist/mechanic
me, a criminal attorney/group-designated Final Girl
She really couldn’t figure out how we all knew each other, because we’re such a random assortment of people. Which is fair!
We’re going to be setting up wolf-watch into the wee hours of the morning and mostly just hanging out by the campfire telling old stories and seeing if we can’t collectively solve an embezzlement case.
We made the ranger guess what each of us did and (in order of appearance) her guesses were:
guy who disappears into the woods every weekend
teacher
they/them (correct)
gamer/car guy
plant and animals person
Which is remarkably spot on; we’re recommending she send in an application to the local psychic.
But…. How Do You All Know Each Other? You can’t just drop that kind of information on us without any backstory.
We have needs!
oh we all used to run a con together
Like a convention or like a heist? I feel like it could go either way.
Don’t worry about it
For everyone saying this should be a real movie or Leverage episode or D&D campaign, here’s some extra flavor for you: of the five people in our camping party, two of them are my ex-boyfriends.
But did you solve the embezzlement case?
We did! And we’re keeping the park ranger, she’s in the group chat and invited us to Vulture Day at the nature center.
Red means stop. No more negotiation, something has crossed a line (too painful, something bad that wasn’t negotiated, etc.)
Yellow means that you need a break or that something is too much, or that if the top continues then you’re going to “red” soon.
Green means that things are going well and you want to continue if not ramp it up a little.
While a bottom might blurt out red or yellow, I’ve never seen a bottom volunteer “green”. It’s usually said in answer to when a top is checking in to make sure everything is okay. Asking “How are you?” and getting an answer of “fine” or “okay” might mean the bottom is just on autopilot and reflexively answering. Asking “What’s your color?” and getting “green” or “I was very close to yellow when you stopped” is much better.
One of my favorite doms to watch at parties was doing a pre-scene negotiation with someone he hadn’t played with before and said something like “Now, just between you and me here ;-) , my favorite color is yellow. It’s not about taking anything I can dish out. I promise you, I can always go harder. I want to know how you’re doing. I’ll likely yellow you, on purpose, a few times, just to find out where your limits are and then aim for a little below that. I don’t want to hear ‘green green green, green green red’ because then the scene’s over. I want some indication of how you’re doing and when you’re getting close to what you can handle, okay?”
And then, whenever she yellowed, he praised her. And why wouldn’t he?? She gave him vital information that allowed the both of them to have more fun!
Recently I have heard some discussions on also adding BLUE to this system for medical issues. It would function like RED but also in one word alert your partner you are having a medical issue, e.g. asthma attack, body cramps, low blood sugar, dizziness or some other sysmtom that is a problem for you. If you have already discussed medical issue with you partner, which you should do, blue might key them into something they can respond to with that knowledge to help rather than red and having to explain further.
Example: if I have asthma and communicate with my partner that it’s been bothing me recently and here is where my inhaler will be during a scene and I start having breathing issues and can’t stop coughing or catch my breathe to make out long or multiple words, I can say blue and they would know to get my inhaler. Or they would know to ask medical related questions in relation to stopping rather than thinking they pushed too hard.
I hadnt heard of the BLUE addition, but that’s great. Thanks for spreading the word about it.
Anonymous:
